SITE NAV: [ HOME ] [ HAM PAGE ] [ LUTHER ] [ STORE ]
🛒

WESTMONT GROCERY MART

"Freshness You Can Trust (Usually)"

*** HOLIDAY HOURS: OPEN UNTIL 6PM CHRISTMAS EVE *** WE ARE SOLD OUT OF HAM *** PLEASE STOP ASKING ***
:: DEPARTMENTS ::

:: MANAGER'S SPECIAL ::
White Chocolate
(For Pistachio Bark)
$0.99 / lb

Visitor Count:
9921
⚠️ PUBLIC SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT ⚠️
REGARDING AISLE 4 (MEATS)

Due to the unfortunate "Ham Incident" involving Mrs. Nora Krank and an unidentified elderly woman, we have implemented new policies:
  1. No running with shopping carts.
  2. No "boxing out" other customers for meat products.
  3. Ham creates grease spots on the floor. Please walk carefully.
STATUS OF MEL'S HICKORY HONEY HAMS:
SOLD OUT (0 UNITS LEFT)

FEATURED ITEM: THE ALTERNATIVE

SALE!
50% OFF

SMOKED TROUT

Can't find a ham? Why not try fish?

It is oily, salty, and looks great on a platter (if you squint). It is the perfect centerpiece for a Christmas Eve where everything has gone wrong!

[Image of Canned Trout]
Norwegian Smoked Trout
Price: $12.99 $6.50
"It's... interesting."

Warning: Guests may refuse to eat this.

CUSTOMER REVIEWS

"I fought a woman for a ham here. 10/10 would fight again."
- N. Krank
"This store is chaos. I'm going to the club."
- Vic Frohmeyer
Westmont Grocery Mart | 1234 Suburbia Lane, Illinois
We reserve the right to refuse service to people covered in tanning oil.
© 2004